Leaving a Love
by Tess H Ross
Summary: Carol Hathaway Ross makes a desicion that could change her life...and her children's.
1. Slipping Away

"It's two o'clock."  
  
"One forty eight."  
  
"You were supposed to be at home at eleven thirty."  
  
"I tried to call, the line was busy."  
  
"I was paging you."  
  
"My pager's on the dresser."  
  
"I called the hospital, they didn't know where you were."  
  
"I had to go eat. I left a message with that new desk clerk, but she doesn't know anything."  
  
"That's a really sad excuse."  
  
"Are you saying I make up excuses?"  
  
"I'm saying that the new desk clerk doesn't have anything to do with this!" She jumped up and pointed accusingly at him. "You are gone all the time. We never see you! I quit my job to be with you and take care of our kids, Goddamnit! And you're always working!"  
  
"I have to work in order to feed our family!" he cried, turning a finger on her.  
  
"And I'm going to go back and help once the girls go to school!"  
  
"Bullshit! That's bullshit!" He started to put his coat on.  
  
"Where are you going?" she asked, following him to the door. He stopped, his hand on the knob.  
  
"Out, I'm going out." he said, taking his car keys and exiting. She leaned her head against the door, sighing angrily at herself. What was that on her nose? A tear? *No tears,* she told herself, wiping it away. *But I hate arguing with him like this!* Their arguments had gotten shorter and crueler, them arguing only a few moments before he went "Out." To where, she didn't know. Maybe to drink, maybe to be with some other woman. She shook her shoulders defiantly and hurried up the stairs to their daughters' room. She opened the door to find them both wedged into one bed, as they often did when their parents fought. They were identical in looks and, despite their raven curls and pale skin, mostly resembled their father, with their big curious eyes and pretty mouths. She brushed their hair out of their eyes and gently shook them awake.  
  
"Mama?" Kate said, sitting up.  
  
"Mama, is something wrong?" Tess asked. "Your face is very sad."  
  
"I'm alright, honey." she replied. "Mama's taking two lucky little girls on a trip." The twins cheered.  
  
"To where, Mama?" Kate asked.  
  
"I don't know." she said. "Maybe we can go visit Mia in Chicago." The two had only seen Helen Hathaway twice since they moved from Seattle to Aberdeen three years ago. "Now go get your toys packed in your back packs Mama got you."  
  
"OK." Tess and Kate hopped out of Kate's bed and to their small adjoining playroom while their mother went through their dressers, pulling out a few outfits for each and placing them in a suitcase. She then packed some clothes for herself, got their necessities (including Tess's asthma pills.) and a few books and a journal for herself. She zipped and locked up her suitcase and walked to the playroom.  
  
"You girls ready?" she asked, coming into the room.  
  
"Mama, I can't zip it." Kate said, shaking her backpack up and down.  
  
"Honey, you can't take all your Barbies and your dolls." she said, beginning to remove the contents.  
  
"How many can I take?"  
  
"Three Barbies and one doll."  
  
"OK."  
  
"Mama, can we take Ahna?" Tess asked, lifting their miniature spaniel.  
  
"No, Ahna has to stay here with Daddy." she replied.  
  
"Daddy's not coming?" asked Kate.  
  
"No. No, Daddy has to stay here." She glanced at her watch. 2:37. "Time to go, get in the car." The three of them walked to the garage and the twins climbed into their child's seats, buckling themselves in skillfully. She popped the trunk and threw her bags in, walking back inside afterwards. She pulled out a piece of cream-coloured paper headed "Doug and Carol Ross" along with the only writing tool she could find, a purple crayon. She picked it up with trembling fingers.  
  
Doug-  
I am so sorry.  
Love, Carol.  
  
*****  
  
Chances are, you might have read this. But that one is now a fluke and this one's for real. 


	2. The Arrival

"Mama, where are we?"  
  
"Shh, Tess, you'll wake your sister. We're in Arizona."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Tess, I told you, not so loud. Sweetie, we're going to meet a friend of mine who lives here. We're not far from her house." Truthfully, Carol had no idea where the house was. She just wanted Tess to go back to sleep. She'd been on the road for too many hours, driving with only a few gas stops. She hadn't slept, she just drank too much coffee. She was nervous and tired and she was scared. She never pictured herself leaving Doug, and she didn't know what to say to her girls. They would undoubtedly want an explanation as to why the trip they were taking was so long, why they couldn't call daddy...but she just wanted them to sleep so she could figure it all out. She'd driven to Arizona on a whim. She could have gone to Chicago, but she decided to visit Susan instead. Luckily she kept a bunch of maps in the car, left over from various vacations, so she was able to find her way at least to the state, if not the area. Carol pulled off the highway suddenly, nearly losing control of the car. She had almost missed the exit, and the car needed more gas. The sudden movements woke Kate up and caused her to look at Carol, terrified.  
  
"It's ok, Mama just needs some gas for the car." Kate nodded and turned to her twin, grabbing a cat's cradle string from her backpack. The girls were too young for the game, really, and Tess had almost no interest in it, but Kate had begged at the store. Doug had given in, as she recalled, and bought it for Kate, although Carol had pointed out that they were too little. Doug never cared much for people telling him what to do. So they had a piece of string and a book of instructions they were too young to really read, all for the grand total of $15.38. Carol shook her head and pushed the little button that released the gas tank top. She left the windows rolled down enough so that the twins wouldn't suffocate, but high enough so that no one could reach in. She pumped the gas and stopped when she heard the stupid little sound she was supposed to listen for. Someone had once told her what that was, but now it was just 'the sound that means the tank is full'. Carol leaned down so she could be seen through the window of the car. She was on Kate's side of the car, so she knocked on the window. The girls were looking at a picture book, absorbed in what they were doing.  
  
"Tess, Kate! Sweetie, Mama's got to make a phone call. Can you be good girls while I'm gone? The phone is right there." She pointed to a pay phone, which was not far away. They nodded.  
  
"Mama, I want a drink!"   
  
"OK Tess, after I make the call we can go get something to drink inside." She looked at the mini-mart, wishing she didn't have to go into it. Even the exterior looked dirty and rat infested.  
  
"OK Mama!" Tess turned back to the book, content with the promise of a drink soon. Carol blew them a kiss and walked to the phone. Turning to make sure that she could still see the girls clearly, she grabbed a phone book from the shelf. She flipped through the pages and settled on the proper one, finally finding a listing for "Joseph and Chloe". She dialed with shaking hands. Placing the receiver to her ear, she could smell the gas on her hand.  
  
"Hello." The voice was distant and faraway, and could only be little Suzie.   
  
"Hi, is this Suzie?"  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
"Is your mommy there?" Carol was amazed at the sound of Suzie's voice. She must be at least 9 now. She hadn't realized that Suzie would be so big...all this time, she'd thought of Suzie as the little baby.   
  
"Moooooom! PHONE!" she heard blasting through the phone. She laughed as someone picked up.   
  
"Hey, Chloe speaking. Who's this?" Carol was somewhat taken aback. Even though she'd looked up Chloe and Joe in the phone book, she'd expected Susan to come to the phone when she asked for Suzie's mom. She paused and then replied, "This is Carol Hathaway. I don't know if you remember me, from Chicago..."  
  
"Carol, of course! Hey, how are you?"  
  
"OK. I was kind of wondering, is Susan still living near you?"  
  
"Yeah, she lives pretty close, actually. You thinking of coming for a visit?"  
  
"Well, I'd say I'm fairly nearby, actually."   
  
"Carol, where are you?"  
  
"Flagstaff," she replied, a hint of sadness in her voice.  
  
"Carol, you OK?"  
  
"Yeah. I need to call Susan though. Could you give me her number? I checked the book, she's not in it."   
  
"Sure. But she's in there...but she got married. Charlie Robbins is his name. But anyway, here's her number." Carol fished a pen out of her bag and tore a corner off of the cover of the phone book. She scribbled down the number, realizing she might not have enough change to make the call. Luckily, a search of her bag turned up at least two dollars in change.   
  
"Thanks Chloe. My time on this pay phone's running out. I have to go now. Bye!"  
  
"Bye, maybe I'll see you when you're in town."  
  
"Sure, that'd be..."*CLICK*  
  
The pay phone hung up on Carol, and she sighed. Waving to Kate and Tess, who were looking out at her, done with their picture book, she inserted more change into the slot and dialed Susan's number.   
  
*****  
  
Kate and Tess finished their mini cartons of orange juice at the same time, somewhere halfway between Phoenix and Flagstaff.  
  
"Mama, can we put on some music?"   
  
"Yeah Mama, I want music!"  
  
"Alright, girls, what should we play? I have..." Carol groaned, realizing she hadn't brought any CDs that the girls liked to play in the car.   
  
"What Mama? What is it?"  
  
"Nothing Kate, I just left the CDs at home. But we have..." She found a CD lying on the passenger side, almost under the seat. She pulled off to the side of the road and unbuckled her seatbelt, grabbing it. "The Beatles."   
  
"EEEEW, bugs!"  
  
"It's a CD, Tess! And it's all we have. I think you'll like it." Carol hoped they would like it. She put The White Album into the CD player and pressed play. The girls soon became bored with the music, as they didn't know the words. They liked to listen to music in the car because they liked to sing along. They couldn't carry a tune perfectly, but they sang well for four year olds. By the time they reached Phoenix, the girls were asleep and Carol was humming along with the CD. As the car rolled into a driveway slightly outside of downtown Phoenix, in a nice little suburb, Carol tapped her fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of the soft song and began to sing, "All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free..." She stopped abruptly when she saw Susan and a man sitting on the porch, waiting for her. She turned and woke the girls, then turned off the car, cutting short the last notes of "Blackbird" Exiting the car, she opened the back doors and let the girls out. They had learned to unbuckle themselves, and Carol always made sure they kept themselves buckled during the ride, but she saw no harm in them having a little freedom. They stood beside their mother as Susan came rushing over. The girls looked familiar to Susan, but she couldn't quite place their faces. Their hair and coloring were identical to that of their mother, but they looked like...Susan smiled as she saw the obvious resemblance to Doug Ross.   
  
"Hi Carol! How are you?"  
  
"I'm alright. You?"  
  
"I'm ok. Are these your girls?"  
  
"Yeah, this is Kate and this is Tess. Girls, this is Susan. She used to work with Mama in the hospital."  
  
"In Seattle, Mama?"  
  
"No Tess, in Chicago. Where you were born. Remember when I told you about it?"  
  
"Where you met Daddy!" Susan could see Carol stiffen at Kate's remark. But she smiled anyway.   
  
"Charlie, this is Carol. We worked at County together. Charlie is a doctor at the hospital where I work now."  
  
"Nice to meet you."  
  
"You too." Carol's replies were short and she didn't seem to be paying attention.   
  
"Charlie, can you take the girls on a grand tour?"  
  
"Of course, if it's OK with Carol." She just nodded, and Charlie took the girls' hands and walked them inside. Susan and Carol walked over to the porch and sat down. It was then that Carol noticed Susan's bulging stomach.  
  
"Look at you! How far are you?"  
  
"About 5 months."  
  
"Wow. Congratulations."  
  
"Yeah, you too! Are they Doug's? They're beautiful...and so sweet!"  
  
"Yeah. They're Doug's."  
  
"Carol, what's wrong? You seem...upset." Carol sighed and settled back in her chair, ready to tell Susan everything. Instead she broke down into tears. Susan put a comforting hand on her shoulder and waited until Carol was ready to talk.  



	3. Her Lifelines

"So it's just been hell for the past few month." Carol sighed, wiping the mascara from under her eyes. "Fighting, never seeing each other, him going 'out' to who knows where."  
  
"You poor thing." Susan gave her a tight one-armed hug. "I'm sorry."  
  
"All the times Doug said he never wanted to be like his bastard of a father. And now this."  
  
"Was it really all his fault, Carol?" Susan asked quietly and sensibly. Carol hung her head.  
  
"Both of ours." She replied. "It's like the song, you know? You've lost that lovin' feelin'."  
  
"Whoa, that lovin' feelin'." Susan chimed in.  
  
"You've lost that lovin' feelin', now it's gone, gone, gone, whoa, whoa," The finished together and Carol couldn't help but smile, something she hadn't really done in a long time.  
  
"Don't worry, Carol, it'll all work out in the end." Susan said brightly.  
  
"I hope so." She sighed. "I hope so."  
  
*****  
"So Joe and Chloe will be here in about forty-five, the burgers are on the grill, and your girls are outside watching Charlie cook." Susan said, rushing about the kitchen.  
  
"Whoa, Susan, you need to calm down and take a break." Carol said tranquilly.  
  
"Break?" Susan repeated, slumping into a chair. "Oh, no...shit."  
  
"What?" Carol asked. "What is it?"  
  
"The day after tomorrow, I have to fly to Chicago for a conference." She explained. "I have to pack and call up there to confirm my hotel reservations."  
  
"You're going to Chicago?" Carol said, toying with her fingernails.  
  
"Yeah, they decided to send the pregnant woman." She stood and stirred something in a pot. "Why?"  
  
"Susan, I don't mean to sound forward, but...." Carol looked up at her. "Do you think the girls and I could come with you?"  
  
"Sure, why not?" Susan smiled. "I can book an extra room, there's always a few emergency ones left over." Carol embraced the woman tightly.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Carol, if you don't mind me asking...why?" Carol paused, thinking.  
  
"I just need to get away, you know?" A sudden peal of electronic bells playing La Cucaracha broke their conversation.  
  
"What's that?" Susan asked.  
  
"My cell." Carol reached into her purse and pulled out a yellow cell phone. "Oh, look." She said sarcastically. "Doug's sobered up and decided to track me down. Sorry, hon, that's gonna be tough." She dropped her phone into the soapy-water filled sink, where it sparked a little before giving a weak fizzle and dying. Tess and Kate suddenly came running inside, their faces and hands incredibly dirty.  
  
"Mama, can we have a drink?" Kate asked.  
  
"Not until you clean up." Carol said. "Susan, where's the bathroom?"  
  
"Down the hall, first door on your left." She pointed. Carol led them to the mauve-coloured WC and helped them to wash their hands and faces. Wiping their cheeks with a towel, she saw how much they reminded her of Doug. Every time he had been off at a conference or working late, she had stayed strong, taking care of her babies, using them as her lifeline.  
  
"*Now* can we get a drink, Mama?" Tess asked, exasperated.  
  
"Go asked Susan." Carol smacked their backsides playfully as they scurried back to the kitchen.  
  
"Susan, may we-" Kate began.  
  
"Have a drink?" Susan finished, pressing two glasses of lemonade into their hands. "Here."  
  
"Thank you, Susan." They chorused, as they oftentimes did.  
  
"Sit at the table, girls." Carol said matronly.  
  
"Ok, Mama." They replied obediently.  
  
"Mama, why is your phone in the sink?" Kate asked.  
  
"Because Mama got a bad connection." Carol replied.  
  
"Like those sale-people?" Tess offered.  
  
"Yes, just like those sale people."  
  
"Susan?" Tess asked.  
  
"Yes?" Susan said.  
  
"Why are you so fat?"  
  
"Tess!" Carol cried. Susan merely laughed.  
  
"What's so funny?" Tess asked innocently.  
  
"Honey, Susan isn't fat, she's pregnant. There's a baby growing inside of her."  
  
"Oh." Tess sighed. "Mama, why didn't you ever have a baby?" She looked down at the floor for a moment, then raised her eyes slowly, giving Carol the classic sad puppy dog look. She knew that look too well...it was Doug's look. Susan noticed too, her jaw dropping as she stared intently at the child.  
  
"I...I had babies, honey." Carol knelt next to her daughter, stroking her cheek. "I had you and Kate."  
  
"WE were *babies*?" Kate said, raising her eyebrows incredulously.  
  
"Of course, sweetie. Everyone was a baby once. You were just too little to remember." Carol said.  
  
"Oh," Kate said, finding the logical answer simple.  
  
"You and Tess go play with your toys, alright, Katie-kin?"  
  
"Alright, Mama." Kate and Tess toddled off to the living room, leaving Susan and Carol both thinking about a certain pediatrician.  
  
*****  
  
"And so Danny points at the screen and says, 'Mama, I want that! A Gay Boy!'" Chloe said later that night, gesturing with her hands. Susan tilted her head back and laughed hard, but Carol only smiled feebly. She found it hard to laugh about anything when herself and her children's lives were in jeopardy.  
  
"Are you finished with your pie, Chloe?" Charlie asked.  
  
"Yeah, thanks." She handed him her plate, along with Joe's. Charlie took Susan's and Carol's and brought them to the sink. Later that evening, Carol, Susan, and Chloe sat outside on the porch, enjoying the crisp autumn air.  
  
"So how are you, Chloe?" Carol asked, sipping some peppermint-flavoured hot chocolate Susan had given her.  
  
"Fine, just great." She smiled. "Danny just turned three and he got a new trike. Blue, just like he asked, thanks to his favourite Aunt Susan." Chloe playfully poked Susan in her side.  
  
"Suzie's getting so big," Carol said in awe, glancing in the nearby window where Suzie and Danny played with her girls.  
  
"She looks just like her namesake." Chloe grinned at her sister.  
  
"That she does." Carol smiled.  
  
"And how are you, Carol?" Chloe said with a look of pure concern. "You sounded...unhappy on the phone." Carol sighed. She had already told the story with tears flowing down her cheeks, she could do it without them this time.  
  
"You remember Doug?" She asked, and Chloe nodded. "Well, he and I got married a while back. And he had always been a big..."  
  
"Pimp?" Chloe supplied. Carol laughed.  
  
"I guess you could call him that." She took a breath. "He didn't see anything wrong in sleeping with someone he had just met."  
  
"Like most men." Susan said dejectedly.  
  
"So he'd been spending a lot of his time away, saying it was work, but I don't know, there were times when he wasn't very faithful. He'd be gone all day and I'd stay with the girls, him coming home at eleven, and then twelve, and then not bothering to call at all. We fought so much, it didn't seem worth it. The fights got shorter, and shorter, until we'd argue for five minutes before he'd go off. And then the last time was the other night. I gathered my pride and left." She finished courageously.  
  
"Wow," Chloe raised her eyebrows.  
  
"But I think I did the right thing." She added. "I don't want my girls growing up in an angry household."  
  
"Well, if you think you did the right thing, then I'm sure you did." Chloe patted her knee affectionately. "What are you planning on doing?"  
  
"I don't really know," Carol said quietly. "Susan is being nice enough to let me come with her to Chicago, and then maybe I'll look up my mother and get a job there."  
  
"Sounds like a plan." Susan smiled. She stood. "I'm getting cold, you coming inside?"  
  
"Yeah," Chloe replied. "Joe and I have to be getting home."  
  
"And the girls should be getting to bed." Carol said, following them in, but not before removing her diamond ring, the one Doug had given her. They walked inside and stood outside the guest room where the four children were playing.  
  
"This is the mom and this is the dad." They heard Suzie say, playing with a Barbie and a Ken.  
  
"They're very pretty." Tess said, stroking the female's hair.  
  
"Aunt Susan got them for me." Suzie grinned smugly. "Mom says she spoils me." She proceeded to make them kiss.  
  
"What are they doing?" Kate asked.  
  
"They're kissing. That's what mommies and daddies do." She explained.  
  
"Nu-uh," Kate objected. "My mommy and daddy don't."  
  
"Then what do they do?"  
  
"They scream at each other. A lot." Carol's hand flew to her mouth.  
  
"Suzie, Danny, it's time for us to go home," Chloe said, trying to usher them out the door without embarrassing Carol further.  
  
"I'm sorry," she apologized. "Kate doesn't know what she's saying."  
  
"I understand." Chloe smiled sympathetically. Carol hugged Suzie and Danny goodbye before going to soak in a hot bath. She lay in the warm water, thinking over the past, twisting and turning her wedding ring in her fingers. What was it that Doug had said?  
  
"I know you weren't crazy about the ring idea, but..." He had slipped the ring on her finger. "It's a symbol of us. A circle. Never ending."  
  
She leaned her head back and sighed.  
  
*Guess you were wrong, Doug.* 


	4. The Flight

Carol watched as Susan hugged and kissed Charlie goodbye, remembering when her relationship had been like that. Susan kissed him one more time and then walked to the car, waving as she slid into the seat.  
  
"I love you!" she shouted to him. Carol smiled. "Ready?" she asked, turning to Carol.  
  
"Girls, you buckled?" She looked at them in her rearview mirror.  
  
"Yes ma'am." They chirped together.  
  
"Do they always do that?" Susan smiled.  
  
"Sometimes." Carol replied. "Not most of the time. They're *way* too different." They both laughed.  
  
"Then let's hit the road." Susan put on a pair of cat's eye sunglasses and revved up the engine, waving one more time to Charlie before pulling onto the road and driving off.  
  
Carol let the Arizona air wash over her face, resting her fingertips out of the open window. She heard Kate and Tess chattering softly in the backseat. They usually didn't speak quietly, but had been doing so since she and Doug had begun arguing.  
  
"Once I get to Chicago, I'm going to go to the hospital and see who's there." Susan said, grinning.  
  
"Last time I checked in, Carter, Kerry, Benton, and Mark were still there. Mark's married now, did you hear?"  
  
"Good for him, I always knew he'd find someone."  
  
"Yeah, her name's Elizabeth Corday."  
  
"Who else is there? Anyone I know?"  
  
"Chuny, Malik, Haleh, most of the nurses...."  
  
"Have you talked to Taglieri lately?" Susan asked, smirking.  
  
"Oh, shut up!" Carol playfully hit her shoulder. "I haven't heard from Tag in...God, at least six years. Frankly, I don't want to. It'd be too weird."  
  
"Do the girls know?"  
  
"Are you planning to tell your baby about all your old lovers and such?"  
  
"Guess that's a no."  
  
"Yeah. I mean, if things keep going the way they are right now, the girls will never hear about their father, too."  
  
"Carol?"  
  
"Hmmm?"  
  
"I know that you and Doug argued, but...how? You guys were the dream team when you were together."  
  
"After a while, we found each other's faults too big and annoying. And we started spending less time together. So we grew apart."  
  
"Who did, Mama?" Kate called from the backseat.  
  
"Nobody, honey." She shook her head.  
  
"We're gonna be there in a few minutes, you might want to get them ready."  
  
"Girls, get your things, we're getting out soon." She said, turning to see them.  
  
"OK, Mama." Kate said for the both of them. Carol watched her little girls gather their Barbies and books and put them back in their matching bags.  
  
"Delta, South terminal, gate area B...." Susan said, looking off a few signs. "And look, not a parking space in sight."  
  
"Mama, how much longer?" Tess asked impatiently after searching in the dark parking lot for a space.  
  
"Only a few more minutes." Carol said, craning her neck for a place to park.  
  
"Want to play a game, girls?" Susan asked.  
  
"What kind of game?"  
  
"We like games!"  
  
"Is it a fun game?"  
  
"Yes, it's a very fun game called Find the Space. And whoever finds the space first gets..." she dug around her purse. "Gets to share a bag of M & M's with her sister."  
  
"Share?" They groaned.  
  
"Yes, share." Carol enforced. Susan smiled. It was so weird hearing Carol talk strictly yet gently to these little beings, her children. Yet that was weird, too. Carol having children. *Doug's* children, at that. She could never imagine him settling down, marrying, having kids, and giving up cheap whores once and for all.  
  
"I see one!" Tess shouted, pointing to an empty space.  
  
"Good job, Tess." Susan handed her the bag of M & M's. "Now share."  
  
"Oh, okay." She sighed and tossed her head but reluctantly handed a few to her sister. Susan pulled into the space and parked the car.  
  
"Time to get out." Carol said, unbuckling her seat belt and turning around to help the twins with theirs.  
  
"Mo-om! We can do it by ourselves!" Kate cried like a teenager stuck in a four-year-old's body.  
  
"Fine, fine." Carol threw up her hands, surrendering. Susan laughed, and went around the back of the car to get her things. "Let me help." Carol said, following her.  
  
"No, it's okay. I've got it." Susan brushed her off.  
  
"No, four of these bags are mine, I'm helping." She started to remove the suitcases. "Kate, Tess, put your bags on."  
  
"Yes, Mama." They said, slipping their arms through their backpacks' straps.  
  
"Decided to go against the 'pink-and-blue' routine?" Susan asked, pointing out Kate's yellow backpack and Tess's purple one.  
  
"I want my girls to be original and carefree." Carol said, tousling Kate's curls.  
  
"That they are," Susan smiled and began the trek to the ticket counter. After retrieving their tickets, dropping off their baggage, and heading to the terminal- gate B42- it was almost time to board the plane.  
  
"All senior passengers or passengers with children are now free to board." The woman at the ticket counter called over the intercom.  
  
"That's us, right, Mama?" Tess asked.  
  
"Yes, honey, that's us." She slid her purse over her shoulder and held Kate's hand in her right hand and Tess's in her left.  
  
"Can I see your tickets?" The woman asked.  
  
"Here," Susan handed her the four tickets.  
  
"Thank you very much!" She smiled and gave her the stubs.  
  
"You have a very, very big smile." Kate observed.  
  
"Kate Ross!" Carol said, reprimanding, pulling her down the corridor. "You don't make comments like that to strangers."  
  
"You're not supposed to talk to strangers." Tess said, wagging her finger at her sister. Kate stuck her tongue out at her, and Susan again couldn't help but laugh.  
  
"Kate, don't stick out your tongue." Carol ordered.  
  
"Why?" Kate asked.  
  
"Because it isn't nice." She explained.  
  
"And it might get stuck like that." Susan added. "Didn't you know that?"  
  
"It might?" Kate's eyes widened, as did Tess's.  
  
"Yes, and then we'd have to cut it off." She said, looking as serious as could be.  
  
"I'm not sticking out my tongue, not never ever." Kate shook her head, her curls hitting her cheeks.  
  
"Where's our seats, Mama?" asked Tess.  
  
"Right here." Carol pointed to three in a row with one across the aisle for Susan. "Now, do I have to separate you two or can you sit next to each other?"  
  
"We can sit next to each other." Tess said, adult-like.  
  
"OK, I'm trusting you." She looked down on them, eyebrows raised. They nodded solemnly and slid into their seats, Kate nearest the window and Tess next to her. "Put your bags under the chairs in front of you."  
  
"Yes, Mama." They sighed.  
  
"They're like little teenagers." Susan commented, smiling.  
  
"One can only imagine what they'll be like later." She groaned, envisioning the future. A future without their father there, supporting them, joking with them, questioning them about their schoolwork, boyfriends, and everyday lives. She shook her head to rid herself of the thought.  
  
"You okay, Carol?" Susan asked, touching her arm.  
  
"Yeah." She replied softly. "Yeah, I'm fine." She sat down in her seat and buckled up.  
  
"How much longer?" Tess groaned a half hour later.  
  
"Just a little bit, I promise." Carol said, kissing her forehead.  
  
"Thank you for your patience, ladies and gentlemen." The stewardess called over the intercom. "Please direct your attention to the nearest flight attendant in the aisle as we attempt to instruct you on the safety of this flight."  
  
"Watch the woman, girls. She's going to show you how to stay safe." Carol whispered, pointing to the tall black woman in the aisle.  
  
"Like no talking to strangers?"  
  
"And no playing with the knives in the kitchen?"  
  
"Or the matches?"  
  
"Or the bottles in the refrigerator?"  
  
"No, how to stay safe on the plane, now watch closely." She put her finger to her lips and then sat back. The stewardess finished about six minutes later and the plane began its ascent. 


	5. Everything Old is New Again

"And, as always, thank you for flying Southwest Airlines."  
  
Susan glanced over at Carol.  
  
"Ready?"  
  
"As ever."  
  
They made sure they had all their carry-on baggage before stepping off the plane into a crowd of other passenger's family and friends, with only one familiar face peering back at them.  
  
"Dr. Lewis!" The memorable voice cried, and the man who owned it came running up to them, his white doctoring coat flapping out behind him.  
  
"Carter, what are you doing here?" Susan asked, looking at him astounded.  
  
"News gets around, I was ordered to come pick you up." Carter explained.  
  
"C'mere," Susan hugged him tightly and he smiled at what he saw over her shoulder.  
  
"Carol?" His jaw dropped.  
  
"Close your mouth, Carter." Carol said smiling. He hugged her, laughing loudly.  
  
"And I'm assuming these little ladies are Miss Tess and Miss Kate?" Carter crouched to the level. Tess, being the more forward twin, flung her arms around his neck and Kate, not wanting to be left out, followed suit. Carter pulled back. "Don't tell me which one's which, let me guess." He put a hand to his chin before taking Tess's face in his hands. "Tess." Then he cupped Kate's. "And Kate." The two giggled.  
  
"Lucky guess, Carter." Carol said.  
  
"It was a fifty-fifty try." Susan added.  
  
"What are you doing up here?" he asked, rising from his crouching position.  
  
"I decided to take a little trip to Chicago, maybe think about moving in with my mother." She replied.  
  
"Did Doug come with you?" Carol's face turned stone still.  
  
"No, it's just me and the girls." Carter nodded, not pressing any further.  
  
"Let's go get your bags." He said, trying to save the situation. They retrieved them from the claim and went into the parking lot, climbing into Carter's red automobile.  
  
"This is new." Susan commented, brushing the soft interior.  
  
"Isn't mine, it's my wife's. She's at home with the baby." Carter said nonchalantly. Carol and Susan stared, amazed.  
  
"P-pardon?" Susan stuttered.  
  
"Did I *hear* you correctly?" Carol's eyes widened. "Wife and baby?" Carter nodded.  
  
"Her name's Emily, his name's Daniel Thomas Messier-Carter, age two months, otherwise known as Dan. Em's still on maternity leave." He said, starting the car.  
  
"You've got a baby?" Kate asked from her position next to Carol in the backseat.  
  
"A very *little* baby." He said.  
  
"Can we see it?" asked Tess.  
  
"Tess!" Carol cried.  
  
"It's okay." Carter smiled. "You said you're going to be here for a while, Carol?"  
  
"Think of it as a temporary perhaps permanent homer." Carol said quietly.  
  
"Then I'll have to have you over for dinner sometime." He grinned.  
  
"Will you have cake?" Kate leaned forward expectantly. Carter laughed.  
  
"Maybe." He said, smiling. "Where are you staying?"  
  
"The Chicago Central Embassy." Susan replied.  
  
"For how long."  
  
"I'm only there for four more days, I don't know about Carol,"  
  
"I'm going to the hotel until I can convince my mother to take us in." Carol replied. "Which shouldn't be too long."  
  
"I have strict orders to drop you off, wait for you, and then bring you to County for a visit, since you don't have a conference today." Carol said after driving a while. "Of course, now everyone will be even more surprised, now that Carol and the twins are coming." He pulled up to a fancy hotel door. "Here we are."  
  
"Thanks Carter." Susan smiled. "Wait for us here, okay?"  
  
"Sure thing." He helped them and their baggage out and then parked the car a short walk away from the main doorway.  
  
"That was sweet of him." Susan commented after they had retrieved their keys and began putting away their things in their adjoining rooms.  
  
"Wonder who put him up to it." Carol chuckled.  
  
"I like Carter. He's very nice." Tess commented.  
  
"Yes. He has nice candy too." Kate smiled a chocolate-covered smile.  
  
"Did Carter give you chocolate, Kate?" Carol asked warily.  
  
"Ye-es...." she hid behind her chocolate-covered hands, as did Tess.  
  
"Go wash off, then we'll go see Carter again, OK?"  
  
"OK, Mama." The toddled off to the bathroom.  
  
"They're so sweet." Susan said as they helped each other wash the stains off.  
  
"They take after me." Carol smiled smugly.  
  
"How did Doug like having kids?" Susan asked, walking into her room.  
  
"He loved it, spoiled them to death, though. I always told him they'd get to be little snobs." Carol called through the open door.  
  
"No, they're too cute to be snobs." Susan walked back in. "I'm finished."  
  
"As am I." Carol replied, shutting a drawer. "Girls, we're leaving!"  
  
"OK, Mama!" One of them called back. They hurried out of the bathroom.  
  
"Where are we going, Mama?"  
  
"Yeah, where are we going?"  
  
"Is it far away?"  
  
"Can I bring my colouring book?"  
  
"We're going to see some friends of Mama's, it's not far away, and no, you can't bring your colouring book, okay?"  
  
"OK." They sighed and followed herself and Susan outside to Carter's car.  
  
"Mama found out about the chocolate." Kate whispered into Carter's ear.  
  
"That's okay." He whispered back. "As long as you didn't get in trouble."  
  
"Nope." Tess grinned.  
  
"Good." He smiled and got into his seat, starting to drive the car towards the hospital, pulling into the oh-so-familiar parking lot a few minutes later.  
  
"Here we are." Susan said, rubbing her stomach as a nervous habit.  
  
"Never thought I'd see this place again." Said Carol.  
  
"Mama, where are we?" asked Tess.  
  
"Remember the hospital Mama used to work at? The one we talked about?" They nodded. "Well, this is it."  
  
"Really?" They chorused. Carol smiled and took their hands, leading them inside. Susan closed her eyes and sniffed.  
  
"What are you doing?" Carter asked.  
  
"It still smells the same." She explained, opening her eyes and smiling. She was right. Patients, soap, and that excruciatingly clean "hospital smell" as the twins called it.  
  
"My God...." Carol dropped the twins' hands just in time to see Lydia, Haleh, and Malik all drop whatever they were doing and stare at Susan and Carol.  
  
"So, you were actually able to do it, Carter." Peter Benton laughed, walking up behind them.  
  
"You were the brains behind this operation, Dr. Benton?" Susan folded her arms and raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Myself and Kerry Weaver." He smiled. "And Carol too?"  
  
"Carol too." Susan nodded. Motioning to the still open-mouthed nurses, she asked, "I'm assuming they didn't know of this?"  
  
"Well, no one knew Carol was coming."  
  
"Are you saying they love Carol more than they love me?"  
  
"She's been here longer."  
  
"Oh, shut up." Susan playfully hit Peter upside the head.  
  
"Oh, Carol, Carol, Carol...." Haleh cooed, herself, Lydia, and Malik giving her a group hug.  
  
"And Susan, look at you!" Lydia stood back, smiling at Susan's rounding stomach. They hugged each other tightly.  
  
"And who are these little things?" Haleh asked, touching Tess and Kate's arms.  
  
"I'm Kate Ross. I live at 437 Sandpiper Avenue in Aberdeen." Kate chirped.  
  
"I'm Tess Ross. I live at 437 Sandpiper Avenue in Aberdeen." Tess repeated. Malik threw back his head and laughed.  
  
"They sure are educated." He said. "How old are they?"  
  
"Four." She replied.  
  
"And born on Thanksgiving." Carter added.  
  
"How did you know our birthday?" Tess asked curiously.  
  
"I'm psychic." He explained in a mystical voice.  
  
"Mama, what's psychic?" Kate whispered into Carol's ear.  
  
"It means special." Carol said quietly. Turning to Peter, she asked, "Where is everyone else?"  
  
"Milling around," he replied. "Chen's got the day off, and Corday's upstairs, dropping off her little girl."  
  
"She had a daughter?" Carol asked, then said to Susan, "Elizabeth Corday, she's Mark's wife."  
  
"Yeah, her and Mark had a girl, Ella." Carter said, smiling a bittersweet smile.  
  
"What brings you here, Carol?" Peter asked, leaning against the wall.  
  
"Just taking a little trip with Susan." She replied, gesturing to her. Peter nodded, putting the pieces together; Tess and Kate *Ross*, but no wedding ring.  
  
"Susan Lewis," The no-nonsense voice of Kerry Weaver called down the hall. "And Carol Hathaway? What is this, the return of the employees?" She walked towards them as fast as she could with her crutch.  
  
"Good afternoon to you, too, Kerry." Susan replied, smiling.  
  
"Are you going to that conference, Carol?" Kerry asked.  
  
"No, I'm here on a whim." Carol said, explaining it for the third time.  
  
"Maybe you should carry a sign." Carter whispered in her ear, making her laugh.  
  
"I've got to go upstairs," Peter said, excusing himself. "See you later, Susan, Carol."  
  
"Carol! Carol Hathaway!" A British voice cried.  
  
"This is Elizabeth Corday." Carol whispered to Susan.  
  
"Mark's wife?" Susan clarified.  
  
"Yep." She nodded.  
  
"Carol, what are you doing here?" Elizabeth asked, walking up to them puzzledly.  
  
"Vacation." Carol smiled. "Elizabeth Corday, this is Susan Lewis. She was a resident here a couple years ago."  
  
"How do you do?" Elizabeth extended her hand.  
  
"Nice to meet you," Susan replied, taking it in hers.  
  
"Elizabeth, why don't you take Susan and Carol on a tour?" Kerry suggested.  
  
"Sounds great, if it's alright with you." Susan said, looking at Elizabeth.  
  
"It's perfect." She replied.  
  
"And we'll have to stop at Daycare, I want to see your daughter." Carol smiled.  
  
"Ella is an absolute angel." Elizabeth sighed a little.  
  
"How old is she?" Susan asked.  
  
"Three." Elizabeth then noticed she was still wearing her coat. "Oh, dear. Let me take this off." They followed her into the lounge. Carol began reading the lockers.  
  
"Mallucci, Finch, Benton, Corday...." She said quietly.  
  
"Remember when they read 'Greene, Boulet, Lewis, Ross'?" Susan chuckled.  
  
"Speaking of," Carol turned to Elizabeth, "how is good old Mark?"  
  
"What do you mean?" Elizabeth turned to them, a confused look on her face.  
  
"What do *you* mean, what do I mean?" Carol replied.  
  
"Didn't you get the notice?"  
  
"What notice?"  
  
"Mark...Mark's dead." 


	6. I Love You

"D-dead?" Carol repeated.  
  
"When did this happen?" Susan asked.  
  
"About two years ago," Elizabeth replied. "The cancer came back, and...it was just...just too much."  
  
"Oh, no." Carol said, dropping onto the couch.  
  
"I'm so sorry," Susan apologized sympathetically.  
  
"It's alright." Elizabeth looked at the floor for a moment.  
  
"But what notice?" Carol asked, confused.  
  
"A death notice." Elizabeth replied. "We sent it to Doug in Seattle, I suppose it didn't reach you."  
  
"No, we moved to Aberdeen." Carol replied. "Elizabeth, I...."  
  
"I know." Elizabeth patted her shoulder reassuringly. Carol looked up at her, catching a glimpse of a photo stuck on the refrigerator. It read;  
  
Merry Christmas From the Ross Family,  
Doug, Carol, Tess, Kate, and Ahna  
  
They had seemed so happy then. Now everything had changed.  
  
"Well, I promised you both a tour, and I want to check up on my little girl." Elizabeth changed the subject quickly.  
  
"OK." Susan said.  
  
"Let's go." Carol brightened her tone, though she wasn't able to shake the fact that one of her best friends was dead. And had been for two years.  
  
~*~  
  
"The nursery's right up this corridor." Elizabeth pointed down the darkened hallway. They had nearly finished their tour, seeing everyone from Dave to Doris, excluding Mark, Abby Lockhart, and Deb Chen.  
  
"I remember bringing little Suzie up here every day." Susan sighed happily.  
  
"And then Tess and Kate," Carol smiled. They walked up to the observing window, next to a woman with short brown hair.  
  
"Slow day, Abby?" Elizabeth asked, standing next to her.  
  
"Yeah." Abby replied, not looking up.  
  
"I've brought some visitors." She said, standing back so Abby could see them.  
  
"Carol?" Abby laughed. "Oh, it *is* you!" She hugged her.  
  
"Abby, this is my friend, Dr. Susan Lewis," Carol introduced.  
  
"Hi," Abby shook her hand. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Susan had a conference so I decided to come." She smiled.  
  
"How's Doug? And the twins?" Carol took a deep breath.  
  
"Right now, the twins are with Carter and Doug...who knows where Doug is."  
  
"Oh," Abby said softly. "Come over here, look at this." She moved over so that all four could squeeze in to look in the window. They stood smiling at the little children, playing peacefully, not caring about the place of death and disease they stood in.  
  
"There's my little Ella." Elizabeth pointed to a young girl wearing a yellow dress. She had her mother's pale skin and nose and her father's mouth and eyes with a feminine twist, along with a crop of curly auburn hair, comprised of her mother's light strawberry blonde and her father's brown.  
  
"She's adorable." Susan commented.  
  
"Thank you." Elizabeth smiled.  
  
"Right there is my little baby." Abby pointed to a small boy of around the age of one or so, sitting on the ground, happily chewing on a piece of construction paper before the sitter took it away. He had dark wavy hair and dark toned skin that complimented his big dark eyes.  
  
"You had a son?" Carol raised her eyebrows.  
  
"A little over a year ago." She replied, smiling a devious smile.  
  
"What's his name?" asked Carol.  
  
"Adrian Eric Kovac."  
  
Carol's mouth dropped open and she laughed.  
  
"You and Luka?" she smiled. "He didn't say anything...."  
  
"Typical Luka. We tied the knot two years ago. Then this little demon child came along, and that's the way it's been ever since." Abby grinned and caught her son's eye.  
  
"Demon child?" Susan repeated.  
  
"My sweet little nickname for him." She glanced down at her vibrating pager. "Gotta go, I'll check with you later. Nice meeting you, Susan."  
  
"You too." said Susan.  
  
"Goodbye, Abby." Elizabeth waved her off.  
  
"Let's go find my own little demons." Carol suggested. They walked downstairs to the admit desk where Carter and Dave were spinning the twins in a chair, one at a time.  
  
"Fun!" Kate shouted happily.  
  
"Carter, if they throw up, you're cleaning!" Carol shouted over their shrieks.  
  
"Lucky Carter." Dave smiled.  
  
"C'mon, girls, time to stop." Carter slowly stopped the chair, lifting Tess up and putting her on the ground, where she went wobbling over to Carol.  
  
"Mama, the room is...spinning." She said loudly.  
  
"I know, baby." She lifted her up.  
  
"We're hungry, Mama."  
  
"Can we go eat?"  
  
"I want cookies!"  
  
"I want a samich!"  
  
"A samich?" Malik asked.  
  
"Sandwich." Carol clarified.  
  
"We could take them to Doc's and then go to the hotel." Susan offered. "I don't know about you, but I'm pretty wiped."  
  
"And these two only slept a little on that plane." Carol said absent-mindedly. "Would you mind carrying Kate?"  
  
"Not at all." Susan smiled and picked up the little girl.  
  
"Are we leaving?" Kate asked.  
  
"We're going to get some dinner." Susan explained.  
  
"Where?"  
  
"A good place, Doc Magoo's."  
  
"We know a Dr. Mazule!" Tess cried, lifting her head from Carol's shoulder.  
  
"That's great, Tess." Said Susan.  
  
"You'll swing by again, won't you?" asked Dave.  
  
"Of course," Carol smiled.  
  
"Then we'll see you soon," Haleh hugged her goodbye and, with a final wave, Susan, Carol, and the twins exited the hospital.  
  
"It was so good to see everyone again." Carol said.  
  
"Yeah. But poor Mark." Susan sighed. "I mean, we can't do anything about it, but...did you say goodbye?"  
  
"No, I barely talked to anyone once we moved to Aberdeen, and that was three years ago."  
  
"I think the last thing I told him was that I'd never forget him." She smiled. "After he kissed me."  
  
"He kissed you?" Carol laughed. "We sound like a couple of teenagers."  
  
"Oh, well." Susan opened the door to Doc's. "Here we are."  
  
"Good old Doc Magoo's." Carol smiled.  
  
"Is this where we're going to eat, Mama?" Kate asked.  
  
"Yes, this is where we're going to eat." Carol replied, putting her on the ground and helping them slide into a booth.  
  
"Can I get you folks something to drink?" The waitress asked.  
  
"I'll have an iced tea, non sweetened." Susan said.  
  
"I'll have the same, and what do you girls want?" Carol leaned towards her children.  
  
"Shirley Temples!" Tess shouted.  
  
"Yeah!" Kate echoed.  
  
"Fine, then, two Shirley Temples." Carol looked up at the waitress.  
  
"Alright." She nodded and went on her way.  
  
"Mama, do they have samiches here?" asked Kate.  
  
"Yes, do you want turkey?" Carol pointed to it on the menu.  
  
"Please." She said.  
  
"Can I have cake?" Tess asked hopefully.  
  
"No cake." Carol commanded. "Do you want a samich too?"  
  
"Cheese?"  
  
"Cheese. What are you having, Susan?"  
  
"French onion soup. You?"  
  
"I'll stick with the salad." She smiled.  
  
"You ready to order?" The waitress asked, coming up to their table.  
  
"I'll have a cup of French onion soup." Susan said, handing her her menu.  
  
"And I'll have the house salad, a turkey sam-*sandwich*, and a cheese sandwich." Susan caught herself from laughing at Carol's flubbed word.  
  
"They'll be right out." She took Carol's menu and walked away. Indeed they were, only taking fourteen minutes before making it's way onto their table.  
  
"Remember that night you came here, celebrating your engagement to Tag?" Susan asked.  
  
"Don't remind me...." Carol groaned, but laughed. "Yeah, you couldn't make it."  
  
"I could." She sighed.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I sat in my car."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"I was just thinking of all the times I've eaten here. Do you know how many Doc Magoo's onion soups I've had?"  
  
"A billion and one?"  
  
"Just about." Susan laughed. "Oh, look at that." She pointed to Kate and Tess, who were slumped against each other, dozing.  
  
"We should get them home." Carol said.  
  
"Let me pay." Susan began to dig around in her purse.  
  
"No, you're the generous one who let us come with you, let me." Carol protested.  
  
"I insist, Carol. You are not paying. I am." She got the check from the waitress and promptly paid it. "There."  
  
"Fine, I can't stop you." Carol lifted Kate onto her hip and Tess onto the other.  
  
"Let me carry one." Susan said, holding out her arms. "You can't make it up the El steps with two kids."  
  
"You always get your way, don't you?" Carol handed Susan Tess.  
  
"Pretty much." They walked to the El and waited, boarding the train quickly, sitting amongst a few gangsters, an elderly couple, and a group of teenaged girls.  
  
"Oh, look," Carol pointed out the window as they neared a small cluster of homes.  
  
"What is it?" asked Susan.  
  
"That was my home." The once ugly abode had been made beautiful with a fresh coat of paint, a few repairs, and a swing-set in the backyard for the children of the household.  
  
"Looks lovely." Susan commented.  
  
"It wasn't when I lived there." Carol laughed. They sat back and enjoyed the rest of their ride, coming off the train and heading into their hotel, Susan helping Carol put the girls in their nightgowns and then into bed.  
  
"You going to bed now?" asked Susan.  
  
"No, I want to call my mother." She replied. "I'll be up for a little bit more, then I'll go to sleep, probably go see Ma in the morning."  
  
"You gonna stay with her?" Susan asked.  
  
"I don't know. Seeing everyone and the hospital and everything reminded me of how much I liked being a nurse. I think I might actually stay in Chicago, find a job at Mercy or County if they'll take me, stay with Ma until I can get a place for me and the girls."  
  
"Sounds good." Susan hugged her. "'Night, Carol."  
  
"'Night." She sat down at the desk and lifted the phone off the hook. "Nine to get out," she muttered to herself, pressing 9 and then dialing the familiar number.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Ma?"  
  
"Carol?"  
  
"Hey, Ma."  
  
"Carol, what are you doing, calling at this time of night?"  
  
"Ma, it's only...nine."  
  
"Why are you calling? Is it an emergency?"  
  
"No, Ma, I just wanted to tell you I'm in town."  
  
"You are?"  
  
"Yes, with a friend, remember Susan Lewis? The girls and I came with her."  
  
"You left Doug, right?"  
  
"How'd you guess?"  
  
"He called, looking for you."  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
"I told the truth, you hadn't called me in weeks and I didn't know where you were."  
  
"Ma, I called to ask if the twins and I could stay with you. We're barging in on Susan and it feels odd."  
  
"Of course you can stay with me, I'm always ready to see my grandchildren."  
  
"Thanks, Ma."  
  
"You'll come in the morning?"  
  
"I'll be there at...eleven, how's that?"  
  
"That's fine."  
  
"Goodnight, Ma."  
  
"I love you, Carol."  
  
"I love you, too, Ma."  
  
"Goodnight."  
  
Carol dropped the phone back on the receiver, burying her face in her hands. She walked over to her little ones' bed, tucking Tess's foot back in under the covers. Carol changed into her nightshirt, noticing it was an old one of Doug's.  
  
"I'll have to buy a new one tomorrow." She mumbled to herself, buttoning the last of the buttons. She pulled back the neatly folded coverlets of the second bed and slid in.  
  
"Mama?" Kate's small voice called.  
  
"What is it, sweetie?" Carol leaned onto her elbow.  
  
"Can we sleep with you tonight?" Tess asked.  
  
"Please?" pleaded Kate.  
  
"Alright." She threw back her covers and in scampered her two daughters. "I love you," she whispered to them, kissing their heads.  
  
"I love you, too." They whispered back. 


	7. A Sudden Realization

((The stupid notepad won't take the Russian characters, so the thingies in asterisks are in Russian, okay? Good.))  
  
"*Oh, my little darlings,*" Helen Hathaway took her granddaughters into her arms. "Look how big they are!"  
  
"We're four, Mia." Tess announced.  
  
"Four?" Helen pretended to look shocked. "Oh, my. Are you sure you're not fourteen?"  
  
"We're sure, Mia." Kate grinned.  
  
"Come in, come in." Helen ushered the group into her home. Carol smiled. Everything in this place still looked exactly the same, from the pictures on the wall to the plastic-covered couch.  
  
"You have pretty things, Mia." Tess commented, looking at a painted vase.  
  
"No touching, Tessie." Carol ordered and Tess immediately put her hands behind her back. "Ma, you might want to put that somewhere where they won't knock it over."  
  
"Of course." Helen nodded and took it into the kitchen, putting it on a high shelf.  
  
"They broke a lamp last month, playing monkeys in the living room." Carol smiled, remembering the incident.  
  
"Do you want something to drink?" Helen called.  
  
"No, I'm okay." She replied.  
  
"How about you, girls?" Helen looked over at them.  
  
"Can we have juice?" asked Kate.  
  
"I have orange juice." She shook the carton. "Would you both like some?"  
  
"Yes, please." They chorused. Helen poured the drinks and brought them to the twins, who sat on either side of Carol.  
  
"*Carol, what happened between you and Doug?*" Helen asked in Russian, as to not have the children listen in.  
  
"*We argued.*" Carol replied in her thick Russian.  
  
"*Over what?*"  
  
"*Everything. The girls, money, the house, cars....*"  
  
"*Everything.*" Helen looked down. "*What do you plan on doing?*"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"What are you going to do?" Helen converted to English, a relief to Carol.  
  
"I don't know, stay here, find a job, and carry on with life." She replied.  
  
"You're just going to leave Doug like that?" Helen lowered her voice.  
  
"Yes, Ma. I left him and we're staying apart this time."  
  
"I can't help but think this is wrong...." She said warily.  
  
"Girls, go play in the backyard, okay?" Carol gently pushed them towards the back door.  
  
"OK, Mama." Kate said and took her twin's hand and led her out.  
  
"Ma, every time I left Doug, I went back to him, only to leave him again." She said forcefully, her voice louder than it had been when the twins had been in the room. "I thought it would work this time and it didn't. There's nothing I can do."  
  
"You can go back to him." Helen raised her eyebrows.  
  
"Ma! I told you, I'm not going to crawl back to that selfish pig!" She stood and began pacing, clutching her head with both her hands as to calm herself.  
  
"Carol," Helen grabbed her arm and pulled her down to sit next to her.  
  
"That man, my son-in-law, is not a selfish pig. He gave you those two beauties and he gave you love, if only for a while." she insisted.  
  
"Ma, I thought you would be on my side, at least, after all those times you talked about how awful he was and how I should leave him." Carol folded her arms.  
  
"And now you choose to take my advice?" Helen through her hands in the air and muttered something in Russian as a crash and a shriek came from the backyard, followed by tears.  
  
"Damnit," Carol ran out through the door into the backyard. "Girls?!" She cried.  
  
"Mama!" She heard Tess shout fearfully. Her screams came from the side of the house. She hurried to the side to find Tess lying on the stone pathway with a gash running down her arm, the blood dripping onto the stones. Kate stood next to her and they were surrounded by the remains of an empty flowerpot.  
  
"Tessie, what happened?" Carol crouched next to her.  
  
"I'll go get the first aid kit." Helen said.  
  
"We've got to take her to the hospital, Ma, she needs stitches." Carol gently picked up her oldest daughter from the rubble, careful not to hurt her arm even more.  
  
"Stitches?" Tess's eyes grew wide.  
  
"Don't worry, honey, it'll be okay." She kissed her forehead. "Go get in the car, Kate, Mama'll be there in a minute."  
  
"I want to stay with Tess." Kate held Tess's hand, giving it a little squeeze.  
  
"Yeah, let her stay." Tess added. "Please?"  
  
"OK," Carol nodded and took them inside, pressing a cloth to Tess's cut and then getting into her mother's car.  
  
"Go to County, Ma." She told her.  
  
"I am, I am." Helen nodded. They drove as quickly as possible, arriving at County in nine minutes.  
  
"OK, Katie, time to get out." Carol said to her.  
  
"Yes, Mama." Kate opened the door and crawled out of the backseat.  
  
"Mama, am I going to die?" Tess looked up at her mother, her eyes filling with tears.  
  
"No, no. You're going to be just fine." She kissed her cheek and leaned into the window. "Ma, go park the car and wait in chairs, okay?"  
  
"Alright." She nodded and pulled away. Carol walked towards the doors, pressing ever tightly to Tess's wound.  
  
"Carol, what happened?" Peter asked, walking up to her.  
  
"I don't know, but Tess needs stitches." Carol took the cloth from her arm and showed him.  
  
"Ah, that's pretty bad." Peter said.  
  
"It is?" Tess asked nervously.  
  
"But we can fix it." He assured her, and Carol shot him a thankful look. "Come on, we'll go to sutures." He nodded towards the suture room.  
  
"OK." Tess said.  
  
"Now, do you want to tell me what happened?" Peter asked after he had gotten everything set up.  
  
"We were playing and I stood on the pot and it broke." She explained quietly.  
  
"That isn't good." He said. "She allergic?" He asked Carol, holding up the syringe.  
  
"No," She replied.  
  
"OK." He leaned in towards Tess. "This'll hurt a little, you ready?"  
  
"Uh-huh." She bit her lip and clasped Kate's hand as Peter gave her the shot. Tess yelped a little bit.  
  
"Finished." He said. "We're gonna stitch up your arm, but you're not gonna feel it because of the shot."  
  
"OK." She nodded.  
  
"You might want to look away, Tessie." Carol advised, pushing her hair back from her head. She nodded and looked away.  
  
"I'll be quick." He promised, going as fast and carefully as he could without hurting her. "There, all done."  
  
"Really?" Tess looked down at her arm. "Mama, it's so...ugly."  
  
"I know, baby." She said, kissing her. "But you were brave. We should go out with Mia for ice cream, how does that sound?"  
  
"Good." She smiled.  
  
"Keep them in for two weeks, you know the drill, Carol." Peter smiled at her.  
  
"Thanks, Peter." She said.  
  
"Anytime." He replied, snapping off his gloves.  
  
"Wait here, girls, I'll be right back." She said to them.  
  
"OK, Mama." Kate said. Carol kissed them again and walked out into the hallway.  
  
"Peter!" she cried. He stopped and turned around.  
  
"Yeah?" He asked.  
  
"Peter, I was wondering," She started. "Do you know if the ER needs any nurses?"  
  
~*~  
  
"Lovely home, Carter." Susan commented the next night as she and Carol dined with the Carter family.  
  
"Thanks," he smiled. "Emily designed it."  
  
"You did?" Carol asked incredulously. The redhead blushed.  
  
"I'm an interior designer, and I had a few spare hours, so I sat down and started sketching." Emily replied. "It grew from there."  
  
"Wow," Susan whistled. "You did a great job."  
  
"Come sit down, dinner's about to start." Carter led them to a trussed-up table, taking the head seat. Carol sat on his left and Susan next to her, with Emily on his left and little Dan in his baby seat. The dishes placed in front of them smelled delicious and candlelight reflected upon their faces. Carter said a small grace before they all began to eat.  
  
"Did you cook this, Emily?" asked Susan.  
  
"Oh, no," Emily shook her head quickly.  
  
"Emily can't cook worth anything." Carter said, laughing. Emily shot him a murderous look. "She got it from some store."  
  
"Oh," Susan laughed under her breath. They ate their meal, reminiscing over times past and talking over their doings. Susan talked of how incredibly boring the convention was and how glad she was to be leaving in two days. Carter asked about the twins and Carol gaily told him they were with their beloved "Mia." Emily told of how Dan had nearly choked to death crawling about in the fire hearth the day before. Carol smiled and remembered how she and Doug had thrown gala dinner/garden parties in Aberdeen. She remembered everyone eating, gathering around to watch the sunset, and then dancing while she knew her babies were safely tucked away at the babysitter's.   
  
Her favourite party had been their second one. She had bought a new dress, shimmering ivory that accentuated her curves just so that Doug's breath caught in his throat when he saw her. She had adorned the pearl string he had given her for her birthday and let her hair hang loose, the way Doug liked it. He had danced with her under the stars, holding her close and whispering in her ear.  
  
"I love you," he had said softly, kissing the spot just below her ear, making her shiver.  
  
"I love you, too." She had answered, playing with the ends of his hair.  
  
"I'll never, ever leave you like before." He had promised.  
  
What had she done?  
  
"Carol?" Susan called, snapping her back to the present.  
  
"Hmmm?" She looked up.  
  
"Carol, are you okay?" Carter touched her arm.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine." She replied. "I...I have to go." Carol said quickly. "I'm sorry."  
  
"It's alright," he said.  
  
"It was lovely, thank you for a great time." She hugged them all goodbye, taking her mother's car home. She unlocked the door and went to the living room where her girls were sleeping on the couch. She pulled the blankets tighter around them, her tears falling from her face onto theirs. What had she done? Taking them away from the father they loved, the man she loved, to a city that held nothing for them. How could she do that?  
  
"Mama, what's wrong?" Kate asked, waking up. Or maybe she wasn't waking up. Maybe she had been awake the entire time.  
  
"Nothing, honey, go back to sleep." She kissed her goodnight.  
  
"Mama?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Where's my Daddy?" Carol's breath caught in her throat. What to say?  
  
"I don't know, baby." She rocked her back and forth. "I wish I do." She hummed her a song until she fell asleep and then walked to the kitchen, pressing the button for the blinking answering machine.  
  
"Carol, it's Peter Benton." She smiled a little. "I checked around and put in a good word for you and there is an open position for an ER nurse. They want to check out you and your records before anything, so give me a call tomorrow at the hospital. Bye."  
  
The next message came on.  
  
"Mrs. Hathaway, this is Frieda Morris from Lifestyle Insurance...." Carol tuned out the rest of the message and waited until the next one came on.  
  
"Carol? Carol, it's me." Her heart stopped for a few seconds, resuming an unnatural beat. "It's me, Doug. Carol, damnit, pick up the phone! Please," She heard tears in his voice and brought her hands to her own tearing eyes. "Carol, I am so sorry for everything I've done. I...I love you, Carol. I can't live without you. Don't leave me. I promised I wouldn't, remember?" So he remembered as well. "I love you. Don't leave me." The message ended there and Carol slumped to the floor, sobbing, before walking to the guest bedroom and crying herself to sleep.  
  
~*~  
  
She was home. She was in his arms again, listening to his heartbeat through his familiar blue work scrubs. He leaned down and pushed the hair out of her eyes, kissing her forehead, then her eyelids and her lips.  
  
A ringing came from somewhere, startling her from her dream. She heard her mother pick up the phone, talk for a few minutes, and then hang up, walking into the guest room.  
  
"Carol?" Helen leaned over her daughter.  
  
"Yeah?" She sat up.  
  
"There's been an accident." 


	8. Patching Things Up

Carol drove as fast as she could without crashing into the nearby cars. The hospital was half an hour away from the airport. It was a good thing she had left her car in the parking lot, otherwise she'd have to take some crowded bus with a bunch of people, waiting to get off at their stops. She kept playing the scene in her head, over and over. Her mother had come into the room to tell her Doug had fallen asleep at the wheel and crashed into a tree, a massive tree, one she had passed driving to the airport. She quickly goodbye to her girls, not caring about her things.  
  
"Where are you going, Mama?" Tess asked.  
  
"Daddy was hurt in his car, Mama's going to see how he's feeling." She replied.  
  
"You know where he is?" Kate asked incredulously. Carol nodded. "Can we go too, Mama?"  
  
"No, honey." Carol shook her head. "Mama has to go alone." To see if he would take her back.  
  
"OK." They had sighed reluctantly and given her a kiss and a hug.  
  
"Take care," Helen advised, kissing her cheek.  
  
"I will, Mama." She nodded. "You'll fly up with the girls if we get back together?"  
  
"*When* you get back together." Helen smiled and told her she loved her and good luck in Russian. Carol had taken a speeding cab to the airport and immediately caught the next plane to Seattle. While waiting for her plane, she had used the phone.  
  
"Hello?" Susan's tired voice mumbled into the phone.  
  
"Susan, it's Carol." She had said quickly.  
  
"Carol? What are you doing, calling at...three seventeen?"  
  
"Doug was in an accident."  
  
"Oh, I'm so sorry. Anything I can do?"  
  
"In the morning, call Peter Benton and tell him thank you, but I won't be able to talk to him. Tell him what happened and that I'm going to Aberdeen to see if he still loves me."  
  
"Good luck, Carol." Susan had said.  
  
"Thanks." Carol replied and hung up, boarding her plane twenty minutes later. She had flown in a daze, not caring what was going on around her, making her way to the parking lot and getting into her car. She noticed she was passing the tree Doug had crashed into. His car was still there, an old red Mustang he had insisted on buying and finishing up, even though he was no mechanic. It had turned out fairly well, and now it was ruined. Tears sprang to her eyes. It was a cruel twisted pile of metal, destroyed completely, with the driver's seat, where Doug had been, entirely damaged. Seeing this sent a new surge of tears to her eyes and she drove ever quicker to the hospital.  
  
"Mrs. Ross!" One of the nurses, Tabitha, shouted, running up to her.  
  
"Where is he?" she asked frantically.  
  
"Over here, in room five." She pointed to the room.  
  
"What happened?" She asked, walking over there.  
  
"Someone called 911, they brought him here. He crashed, but we brought him back." Her heart jumped into her throat. He had crashed. He could have died and she would never have known if they could have gotten back together. Carol looked into the room. Doug, her Doug, lay on the bed, hooked up to a respirator.  
  
"Can't he breathe on his own?" she asked.  
  
"When your mother said you were coming, then we were going to wait until you came to decide. If he can't…then either you can sign a DNR or hook him back up." Carol reached out and stroked the side of his bandaged face.  
  
"When will he be waking up?" she asked quietly.  
  
"Not for a while, if he does. Would you like anything?" Tabitha replied.  
  
"No, I'm fine." She sat down in a chair next to him.  
  
"Carol?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Why were you in Chicago? Just visiting your mother?"  
  
"To tell you the truth, Tabitha...I ran away with the twins." Admitting it now made her sound like a young teenager running away from home. "We argued a lot, and it just got too much."  
  
"Then why did you come back?"  
  
"Because he called and said he loved me." She ran her fingertips down his brown hand.  
  
"I'll be back to check on him later." Tabitha gave her shoulder a squeeze before walking out.  
  
~*~  
  
Carol awoke to a hand stroking her face. Her eyes fluttered open to Doug, his eyes open as well, looking up at her.  
  
"Doug," she murmured, clasping his hand. "You're awake." He nodded, unable to speak. "I'll go get someone," She squeezed his hand and walked out of the room, stopping Dr. Cara Nelson, a young woman with long red hair, and Tabitha in the hall.  
  
"Morning, Mrs. Ross." She greeted.  
  
"Cara, Tabitha, Doug's awake," She said happily.  
  
"He is?" Cara's brow furrowed and she nodded.  
  
"That's great!" Tabitha smiled.  
  
"Then let's try to take off that respirator." Cara clapped her hands and walked into the room. "So, Dr. Ross, you're ready to breathe on your own?" He nodded. "You know the drill." She unhooked the respirator and then quickly pulled out the tube. Carol watched with the hands pressed against her mouth as he took his first breath on his own.  
  
"Bravo, Dr. Ross," Tabitha cheered.  
  
"We'll come check on you in a few." Cara smiled and ushered Tabitha out of the room.  
  
"So you actually came." Doug said hoarsely.  
  
"When I heard that message...that combined with my own doubts about leaving…I couldn't stay away when they called." She blushed a little.  
  
"Where are the girls?" he asked.  
  
"At home with Ma." She replied. "How are you feeling?"  
  
"Achy, but it's not that bad." He smiled.  
  
"Yeah sure." She ran a hand down the side of his face.  
  
"I kept remembering your engagement party." He smiled and she groaned. "When you told me to stay out of your life."  
  
"I remember." She nodded. "I was so incredibly furious."  
  
"And then Tag and I get into a fight, remember?" she nodded. "And I swore to myself then and there, I'd get you someday. You'd be mine. Only mine." He grasped her hand, giving it a squeeze.  
  
"Oh, Doug," she whispered, a tear dropping from her eye. He pulled her close and kissed her, but she pulled away.  
  
"What is it?" Doug asked.  
  
"Are we automatically together again? What about all that fighting? We can't erase that, Doug, and I don't want Kate and Tess growing up in a home like that." She said warily.  
  
"If I promise you that I won't work as much and I won't fight as much and I'll love you even more, will you come back home?" he asked, cradling her face in his hand. She nodded happily and he pulled her close, kissing her passionately.  
  
~The End~  
  
Much thanks to my sister, Kate Ross, whom I adore.  
We're exactly the same, yet entirely different.  
How can that be?  
Your twin, Tessie. 


End file.
